I Need a System Reboot

New poem alert!

Howdy!

I just wrote this poem: “I Need a System Reboot” about a bunch of things like my recent Audhd diagnosis, chronic illness, having meltdowns frequently again as an adult, the inability to recognize myself— you know, all the fun stuff!

Writing is therapeutic, and often forces me to face all the hard shit. It helps me find the tools to work through all the nitty gritty. I hope you see something you can connect with!

I Need a System Reboot

Please… / I’ve begged now / for far too / too / many ages.
a pastime cursed / deconstructing / every atom / every cell
by cell / week by week / plagued with / forgetting all who I am / with medications
Failed in bringing me back / with each new / trial and error. / Light it up
with each new / brand of fuel / electrify my chest / with a new set / of paddles.
If / I beg / I’ll sign the consent forms / push cold against / the heat of my chest

still red hot / with want / for touch– yes, / electricity specifically
I digest all that’s new / with all the want of a 

baby bird. / the heat / of all my self  
falls / from the nest / once and again / I need a system reboot
ready to pull myself apart / and restart. / for far too / too many ages
I have restarted / regurgitated / replanted
A new set of hands / lips / gray green blue eyes / in the same / dirty soil

for every other / set of / hands / lips / eyes / that have / held mine.
Been labeled mysterious / for far too / too many ages. / How does my mask taste?
Which flavor? / can I finally / devour / all that I / truly am?

I need a system reboot / which language do you speak? / I’ll gulp down every syllable
blast music / with deliberate beats / inject a hot melody / into the cold / of the night
squeeze out / drum beats in the / dark earth

Please… / I’ve been claustrophobic now / for far too / too too too too too / life isn’t life
for poets / with a brain / on fire. / how long is long when / all I see is / the length of / 
my bed / or shadows behind / closed eyelids / without sleep

I’ve been a poet in bed / in the shadow of myself / for far too / too many ages
a pastime cursed / by flashes of a / past that isn’t / even mine / anymore.
How does my mask taste? / without electricity / to kickstart / all who I am
if I ever could. / with all the want of a 

baby bird / I once again beg for a system reboot